Deep within me,
In the pit of my belly,
A nauseating, convulsive fear
Consumes me

When I wake, when I sleep,
All moments in between
Permeate a damp, palpable
Dread

Sometimes, I distract myself with fantasies,
Illusive possibilities –
Belonging, security,
Love, home,
Even family…

I’m so lost in hope’s reverie,
I can almost ignore the sickly churning within me,
Auguring a battery
Of curses, punches,
Rib-cracking kicks,
My uncle’s steely eyes,
Curled lip, ringed fists…

School is my solace,
My escape from a cage
Rank with fear, mottled by pain

Until the bell rings
And my heart sinks
I wave at my teacher,
My smile thin, wan,
Silently pleading with her,
A friend, parent, anyone!

Please!
See the tremor in my step,
The faint swelling of my face,
The terror behind my blank gaze,

And save me!

Before my worn spirit drowns
In fear’s cavernous,
Choking,
Abyss

Fatema Valji