Deep within me,
In the pit of my belly,
A nauseating, convulsive fear
Consumes me
When I wake, when I sleep,
All moments in between
Permeate a damp, palpable
Dread
Sometimes, I distract myself with fantasies,
Illusive possibilities –
Belonging, security,
Love, home,
Even family…
I’m so lost in hope’s reverie,
I can almost ignore the sickly churning within me,
Auguring a battery
Of curses, punches,
Rib-cracking kicks,
My uncle’s steely eyes,
Curled lip, ringed fists…
School is my solace,
My escape from a cage
Rank with fear, mottled by pain
Until the bell rings
And my heart sinks
I wave at my teacher,
My smile thin, wan,
Silently pleading with her,
A friend, parent, anyone!
Please!
See the tremor in my step,
The faint swelling of my face,
The terror behind my blank gaze,
And save me!
Before my worn spirit drowns
In fear’s cavernous,
Choking,
Abyss
Fatema Valji
